Courage.

Pic : Three litre bottle of my favourite drink^^

Hi.
It's Saturday evening, I tried to work for my workshop today at the library.
I was rather depressed this week and I'm still depressed today. Maybe because, since almost two weeks, nobody invite me to go out, I think I miss it.
Yesterday after the training session, I went to the Medical Centre of the University to have an appointment with a doctor, it will be on Monday morning. I will explain him that I'm feeling very tired, cold and always tired last days.
Yesterday, I spoke with my little sister on MSN, it had raised my moral :-)
I will leave England (in two weeks) to came back in France for Christmas holidays for three weeks, it makes so glad to know that I will see my whole family and my friends.
I count remaining days before leaving this city. I'm fed up of it.
Sorry for my bad English today...

Some News.

Pic : A cat which tried to enter my room meowing one night, I finally gave up and let him enter for one hour. (^^)

Hi!
I will tell you happened since my last post.
On Thursday (I haven't got any lectures every Thursday and it is normally a day for studying), I have waited (instead of study) for the jacket I ordered 2 days ago. The UPS car came bring it to me at 12 am.
Because of this waiting, I had missed the one hour non-compulsory talk about Bio-fuel in the EU advised by one of my teachers.
The jacket was finally great, it's a kind of blue-short-trench. It fits me. But I'm not going to wear it every day, it's precious and I have difficulties to change my habits.

On Thursday night, I was out at a pub then, at a nightclub. I was the first to leave the party because I had lecture the day after at 9am. But as usually, I nobody missed me this night.

On Friday, usual day, after the swim, I was at Sainsburry, I bought all-made flour to make bread and a range of useless stuff...I spent too much in supermarket, I have to slow down...
I've cooked the bread on the evening, I finally ate almost all of it (was quite good) add with tofu, vanilla soya yoghurt and vegetables. I throw up a part of it...Then I finished my evening watching the movie "Inglorious Basterds" on my laptop.

Today, it was a lonely day ("should be banned"^^), I hadn't study, I watched the French film "LOL", went at Morissons (spent as always too much money in useless stuff), had tidy up my room, switch the bed and office location...
One hour ago, I had listen the local radio emission made by one of my brother house-mate about Romania. It was quite interesting.

I was quite depressed the last days, maybe because of the lack of calcium (I hadn't eat dairy products for a least 2 weeks). So today I bought 2 litres of skimmed milk.

Now I have to work in emergency, I'm always distracted by my laptop, it prevents me to study and I have two assessed workshop whose deadline is 15th of December (just before Christmas holidays).

Don't know my weight now but quite good I think.

New Start.

Pic : By me...

Hi everybody !

I give you some news even if I don't think someone had missed me in this blog...
Since the last time, I have decided to try to break with the habit of throwing up because it's useless and dangerous for the health.
Since that, I try to resist to crisis and eat only food I can keep on my stomach...it means vegetables, fruits and all non-grease and sugar food in penny numbers.
It was difficult and it's still difficult, sometimes I give up for a low calories biscuit. I'm feeling bad when I'm very hungry, depressed and very tired. Furthermore, it's not easy with my training sessions because I'm feeling very weak.

Except for alcohol, I try to reckon how many calories I ate for each meal, spending hours in supermarkets to find the perfect food with less calories as possible.
Last days, I don't feel very good, I have difficulties to fall asleep.

I'm particularly not proud of what I've done today, I bought a £130 jacket today from a website, in 10 minutes I was decided and I've order it.
I'm even not sure it will fit me, I just took it because it was in sale (-50%) and two persons on a fashion forum told me it was a great jacket. This is a big problem about me, I have no real willingness, if someone told me something, I will be too influenced.
I would like to change and I will change I hope.
Next day I will try to reduce my spendings because I definitely spent too much money, I had receive lot of grants but I don't have to spoil money like this.

Last week, I had finished the last part of the book Happy Potter, the new book is Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert. For the moment it's not very interesting, but I try to continue.

At this moment : approximately 167 lbs.

Can't Sleep.

Pic

It's nearly 12pm and I can't sleep, I'm sad...What's wrong with me ?
Today I tried to eat less as possible, since 3 days every evening I ate lots of vegetables but I couldn't stop there, I gave up and ate pieces of cake filled of grease...of course I tried to throw it up. Despite my efforts I couldn't lose weight, still the same, I think I really have to stop vomit and simply try to not eat a lot. But why did I want to lose weight ? I don't know...I'm so disgusted of myself when my weight increase...
Since I'm in England I've no real friends, I'm often out with some people but I don't really like them, like in France, I couldn't be a normal person. It means that, during parties, I'm always quiet, drinking alcohol alone, most of people just said about me, "He's nice but he never speaks..." I don't know what to speak about with people...Tired...

Deeper.

Pic

Yesterday, I bought lots of ingredient to cook a cake, I love eating home-made meals because I think my parents often made lots of meals for the whole family.
I cooked a banana cake, then I ate it all at once, then throw it up....
Today, same story I made a Tiramisu, I've met some difficulties to find Sponge Fingers to do it, I finally find them at Sainsbury's. I was decided to eat it by little pieces each day, but no way, I've ate it all at one too. I just tried to keep it less as possible.

No weight today, too ashamed...

Again.

Pic

Today was rather a bad day, I begun by skipping my lecture at 9am because I was out and drunk last night and my alarm didn't wake me up...
Then, after my lecture, at 2am a friend bring me at a Chinese Buffet (you can eat as you want for just 5,90 Pounds) for lunch, I couldn't refuse, of course because of that I had to miss my Friday Swim Session...
After eating the last bite, I tried to go home as quick as possible to throw up as much as possible...

As this moment : 169 lbs, approximately the same since my last post...

Today.

Pic

I just come back from the swimming pool where I swum during more than one hour.
I have paid £45 to follow training sessions on Monday, Wednesday and Friday during the whole year.

This day was a exausting day, I woke up at 8am, (I was tired because I was out with some friends and had drunk 4 beer pints last night) then took a shower and ate a quick breakfast to be on time for my first course of the day at 9am. It should have ended at 2pm but finally my last course from 1 to 2pm was cancelled.

At this moment : 169,2 lbs.
Quite dispointed because I only ate sandwichs for the lunch and nothing since...